Trust is a lie. Nobody ever knows anyone

As dark as rich aroma, the feeling you get when you know they've been lying to you all that long. The screaming you desire to unleash, all the wrath. But you don't, you don't scream. You behave, you maintain yourself. Because of all, you know, you need to put yourself first. No one will stay with you for forever, other than you.  So you choose to behave, to be a better person, to look at yourself years from now and be proud of whom you are, how you reacted.

When we lose trust of one another, we literally lose everything. For how can we love if we don't trust? How can we share comfort? or even believe the words that have been said to us? I'm not mad that you lied to me; I'm mad that from now on I can't believe you. I knew I can't fully trust you not because I never trusted anyone to the fullest, but because you were too good to be true.  I'm not sure if I didn't know you all along, or if I chose not to. But you put me in a state of darkness, that I shall never put myself in again.

Thoughts on friendship

Henri J.M. Nouwen once wrote: '' When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares". In life, we meet strangers, we laugh with them, we dine with them, and they become part of our life. But how do we measure friendship? Is it by the time they spent with us? Or is it by how much tender they provide us with? Does our heart naturally know who is our true friend or do we not know till we are back-stapped?  Is it by the hours they spent sniggering with us? Or is it by the minutes they stood with us in silence enduring our pain? I may not know much in life, but this much I know, if we desire for a friend to lay on whenever we feel fragile, we shall be that person first. Why is it that we always demand for things that we are not entitled to? We beg for a friendship that lasts forever, we demand a friend that would never leave our back, yet we judge and point fingers at each other, we gossip and feed through the hurt we give one another, yet we hope that the loved ones would come and find comfort in us. But how dare we provide comfort for others when we can't have peace of mind? For how long could we keep this war going? Pleasing who we wish to notice us with tender words. And hurting who give their best to please us. We became scared of trusting. Yet aching for comfort. Hoping that someone would come along forgiving us for our past. And accepting us for who we wish to become. But how could we ask this much when we "ourselves" did not forgive us? Is friendship a relationship established between two strangers? Or does it start within us? be the friend you wish to have.