Loving you

Loving you may be a mistake. But it's the mistake I'm willing to make in every reincarnation and in the seven heavens. I may be just a passing stage to you, but you are my love master, my teacher, my Kingdom. In cage or in lands of sands, my heart will sleep and wakeup with the thought of you and it will survive.

Surrounded with muted angels and hungry wolves ~

I am more than a paper.

I heard the silence of the wind
And the crying of the men and the laughter of the kings.
I saw the sins of saints and the kindness of the ghosts and the slavery of the Queens.
I tasted the bitterness of the cakes and the sweetest of the death and yet they dare to ask me what's my degree? They think they could classify me by a piece of paper...yet they forgot to see the beauty of my complicity.

You choose.

The world has become hungry for beauty, for brands, for resturants and for sex.
People fight over who is hotter,and who is more famous.
Men loving men. Women loving women. Some are even changing sex. They all cry for fame and money or the life of hollywood wonderland. none cry for knowlage and wisdom. It makes me sad how our society is turning. How our generation are building their world. A lot are turning atheist for no convincing  reason, some are choosing different religions out of fear. Others play it out for the sake of mainstreaming. And another to belong to a stereotype. We stopped being thinkers and started being drinkers. We threw what Einstein had found and what jesus had brought to light, we killed every feeling ghandi had sparked and turned every wisdom of Charles Darwin to Ashes. We became very dependent on others and their thoughts, no questions asked. No favoured picked. You want to be an atheist?  Be atheist. You want to be muslim? Be muslim. You want to be Christian so be it but be it with the choice that is made for you and only you, not for media.  Not for fame. Not for pleasing others. Be it for who you truly are. Think of your choices and question what you read. Do not read a book and believe every word if it. Question the words. Do not follow the flow; follow your heart and mind.

a letter to human

What's my current location? Zabeel Park, Dubai. It's the New Year, what a marvelous start to 2050. Dubai was my escape from my daily life, I was a typical boy from Al-ain, my life was all about fast cars and big cash, I wasn't good in school, I flunked math and my attendance was hardly on point. 2949 was a year of change, not only to me but the whole world. It all began in Tokyo, Japan. Zombies apocalypse, yes I am not even kidding you my dear reader, it took five days for it to be spreading around the world, worst race of zombies? I probably would say Asians; they are fit and fast, they can swallow you in a matter of seconds, I call them the short beasts. Unlike us the Arabs, I say we consumed a lot of meat as humans now that we turned to zombies; we can't have 15 minutes of chasing a meal. It's been almost six months since the start of this apocalypse. The Russians claimed they have a cure while the Americans warned people to not be fooled by these claims, if you ask me; I believe no side. All I cared about for the past six months is my surviving; I have already seen my beloved people turn to beasts. I have no energy to deal with politics. Either way, the communication database no longer work, no news has travelled between cities these past days.

During my surviving journey I met a Pilipino survivor, who claimed there is a shelter in Dubai for the survivors, I asked him why he left the shelter and his answer was "I'm searching for my love". I'm not quite sure if he meant his lover was alive and he is searching for her or if he wants to fall in love, I wouldn’t say that it’s the perfect timing to search for a lover, but those Pilipino people are so romantic that sometimes I feel like a rock compared to them, no I don’t mean the legend wrestler. I didn’t bother asking him for more details due to the fact that a zombie interrupted us. When you feel like a burger, you got to run, and by run I mean never stop, run until your legs can carry you no more and when that happen, run even more. Never be a burger! Not for the zombies! Well, I became a vegetarian after the zombies attack, I thought I should mention that, but don’t be fooled, it's not due to the fact that I now feel how a cow feels when we butcher her, but I'm afraid it might be infected.

I came to my favorite city, the city of people, life and love. I came here not only because of the rumored shelter but also for the feelings I always have when I see the streets of Dubai, every time I see Burj Khalifa it feels like I'm still a nine years old boy with large imagination, I used to imagine that we would have an Arabic king kong version where I'll be the hero who rescue the beautiful blonde lady. In the past, Burj Khalifa was the tallest building in the world, and it felt so huge, but Dubai had exceeded the expectations, each year we witnessed another rising building and now Burj Khalifa is no longer lonely. I'm the lonely one now, even the zombies are having fun together! I always wondered how they really think. I mean I know they attack us for surviving, but do they even think? Animals like lions would hunt for surviving, but I'm sure the scientists proved that they are conscious animals, they do think and have feelings. I have punched and kicked a couple of zombies; do they think that I don’t like them? Did I hurt their feelings? No one ever tried to negotiate with them, I mean what if we could sit in a rounded table and talk some senses to them, probably with a warm cup of coffee. I'm sure the French would have a way with it, they always do.

My dear reader of this letter that I'm leaving in this historical bench, you might wonder what I'm babbling about, I am writing this because today would be my last day as human. Yesterday I was attacked, my left hand was scratched, and in other words I won't survive for another moon.

I made it to 2050 while a lot haven’t; I find that a blessing and a curse, I have grown a thousand years as survived the darkest year on earth. It's not quite easy to watch your loved ones turn to beasts; it takes lot courage to choose between killing them or be killed by them. I didn’t think I was able to make such choices but war makes a solider out of all of us yet it bends our hearts and cleanse our souls. It strips the dreams we had and reveals the world to us as it is with no magic or fantasy, yet as it shatters our wonderlands, it plants hope in our hearts for a better tomorrow, and it unites us with one dream, one hope, and one wish. A peaceful world where this is no war, no greed, no fear and no zombies. I'm writing this letter with a hope that someone would read it and remember me as a human being, for once I am turned there will possibly be no soul that is left with a memory of me as human.

My mom used to tell me that great souls turn to stars that shines our darkest nights once they pass away, I wonder how much of that is true. But if it was, will I be a warm star? Will I shine the darkest night for a scared little boy? Will I guide a mother back to her daughter? Will I make a change? I haven’t made changes to others as a human, do I deserve to be turned to a star? I don't understand how the zombies work, I'm not quite sure where will my soul be, but I am certain of one thing, I lost the chance to be a shining star, I have passed old men that needed my help, I have ignored every charity event I could possibly ignore, and I have turned the news off every time they spoke about countries going under war. At this moment I realize how selfish I was, I don’t deserve to roam with the great ones and I certainly don’t deserve to shine the earth. But my dear reader you still have the chance, your time is still yours, you can be a shining star, you can be the warmest of all. Let my mistakes be your guidance, let my words not be gone to waste. Love those who needs love, and protect those whom can't protect themselves, be the shelter you always wanted for yourself and as you burn, you shall heal.  With this, I shall end my letter. Keep me in your memories.         بorty eight hoursthe next day would be my last day as human.t i eelings ji khalifa looked no longer lonely, ubai had exeeded

Stella

I did not do it", that's all she could think of."

As the man with the gun frowned at her face, he had tolerant, unlike the other three men she knew they were watching her behind the mirror.

"The Footage shows clearly your assassination of the mayor, now Stella, help me to help you, who paid you? Who made you do it?" he gazed at her teary eyes hoping she would speak of different words. "I didn't do it, she did. It's not me, you have to believe me.." Said Stella as she shook out of fear.

Her attempts to make them see the truth were failing miserably; she feared there would be no escape. No one would listen to her or believe her.  No one is her friend anymore, a footage showed her face shooting the mayor with no fear or hesitation, making her an assassin; she knew she would soon be sent to prison forever. Or worst; sentenced to death.    

The meeting

Another typical velvet white morning thought Stella as she dropped her eight years old daughter at school. Her routine did not change for the past couple of years, dropping Fiona, having a large vanilla latte and croissant while reading vogue, dreaming of what could have been if she never stopped modeling, filling her head with regrets, heading to the gym for an hour, meet her girlfriends, grabbing her daughter again, cooking a nice meal for her hard working husband, TV with Fiona, bed time story, and hopefully she would have a quiet night with her man. Stella often wondered, what would come of her after ten years, what would she turn to? She hated the life of the typical mother.

Miranda Kerr was on the cover of vogue issue that month; she thought she looked flawless as she thought of her birth stretch marks. As Stella roamed around the magazine, she realized she had a chocolate croissant instead of cheese; she marked her issue, took the plate on the right hand and walked directly to the counter. "Wow" said the Barista, as Stella handed him the plate asking him to change it. "Sorry ma'am, I couldn't help not to notice the similarity". "I don't understand what you mean" replied Stella. The Barista pointed out at a blonde lady sitting facing the window of the cafe, while reading a Jane Austen book, Stella was astonished, the woman looked exactly like her, almost same height, same features, the only noticeable difference were the hair color and the clothing taste.

Never in Stella's life had she ever met someone who looked like her, let alone a twin! Stella approached her, with a curious face, the lady noticed Stella's reflection on the window, and she turned her rounded head to see a figure of her in black staring at her back. A divine moment for both of the ladies. They sat and talked for couple of hours, Stella skipped her friends and the gym for the sake of knowing more about her twin, they didn’t have much in common other than the similar features, as she learned from their long conversation, Maria was an heiress to the famous opera house and a production company, Stella would only dream of such a life, Maria explained to Stella how she escape away from her stressful life by going to small cafes in towns where nobody would recognize Maria Barbara Bach the heiress to Bach production. Maria as the opposite of Stella, she did not practice anything that affected her feminism; she played ballet, and the piano, whilst Stella would join boot camping and weight lifting. Maria loved the taste of chocolate; she believed happiness is a melting bar of chocolate stinging her tongue. While Stella did not like chocolate, probably due to her intensive diarrhea when she was fifteen. The two ladies were two different sides of a coin, they enjoyed each other's company, not due to the similarities in features, but each one of them was different, and added a flavor to the other. They exchanged emails and phone numbers to be in touch.

  

The night after

Stella was still astonished with what happened to her early morning. She couldn’t wait to go home and speak to her husband, she rushed everything. How exciting is it to have an heiress to be your twin? She fantasized about her life, how it could be to not cook, or clean, to not drive, to never think of bills, or wait for sales. Stella had her whole life dreaming of modeling, and that day she released it's not modeling she always fantasized about, it’s the luxury of being rich, of being known to people, and respected, the power and fame that came along with money, that's what she sought.

Stella was beyond happy when her husband arrived, she didn’t even prepare a meal. She ordered two large triple cheese pizzas and three diet cola. She organized them in the table, lighted a candle at the center, she couldn’t wait for everyone to sit down and listen to her story.

As she started speaking about it, her husband was out of focus, he seemed bored. Her daughter on the other hand was as excited as her mother. Her husband would node and accepts her words yet he did not believe her words. Or that’s what she thought of. She decided she won't let it get to her.

The night had passed, Stella woke up, did her routine as always. She went to the same café, hopping she would meet Maria one more time; maybe invite her to meet her husband. Her hopes were destined to disappointment. Stella decided to not mention it again to her husband; she thought she should prove it to him. She decided she would call her once she fetch Fiona, she didn’t want to sound desperate, however, she searched her on Facebook and Twitter, There were no pictures, or evidence to support her claims.

Stella went with her typical routine. She went to the gym, jogged for twenty minutes, weight lifting, rope jumping, and finished it off with boxing. As she went to wash, while she grabbed her yellow towel, she noticed her phone was ringing with a blocked number, she didn’t want to reply, but she thought it could be Maria, rich people have their ways, she guessed.

"Hello?"

"Hi, is this Stella?" asked the caller.
The call was Maria, Stella was more than thrilled, Maria invited her to meet in a hotel for the night. Stella refused the idea at first and asked Maria to join her family dinner, but Maria convinced Stella it come, and to be alone, "It’s a crazy idea" she added, Stella decided she should not miss the opportunity, no more blowing chances she thought. She called her girlfriends, apologized for not meeting them, asked her best friend Lilly to fetch Fiona and babysit her for the night, Lilly was Stella's best friend since middle school, they got married same year and Lilly has a boy same age as Fiona, and another baby boy.

Stella called her husband to make sure he knows she won't be around. She lied and said she will have a night out with the girls. 'Everything went as planned, now no one can tell she will be going to meet Maria' thought Stella. 

The hotel

Stella rushed home and showered, she used her Miss dior silky shower gel, she only uses that on special occasions, this was a special occasion, she was about to meet Maria in the Tivoli lodge. It was a bit far away from where she lived, forty minutes by driving, either way she had enough time to prepare and be there on time. she wore a red dress, looked at herself in the mirror, "it's not a dinner party, and its cold" she thought. She took it off, and put on plain jeans, Armani t-shirt that her husband got her on her last birthday, a green coat and a pink scarf that went well with the t-shirt. She felt it's more safe to be on jeans, what would Maria think of her if she had a dress on.

She drove for fifty minutes, there was traffic that delayed her ten minutes, yet she was still early, Tivoli lodge was cozier than she expected. Deciduous trees surrounded the hotel, she bought a ticket and parked her Kia. Stepped in and walked straight to the lobby, she asked the hotel desk clerk about Maria. He said she was a regular client, but she did not leave a name of a visitor, he told her he can't let her in suite, however he suggested that she can wait in the lounge. It was woody and cozy; it had large glasses view that reflected the beauty of the frozen forest behind the hotel. The sun was fading away, she ordered warm water as she sat facing the view. She didn't want to think of what crazy idea Maria had, she decided to imagine she had the life of Maria, winter in the Tivoli lodge, snow riding and hot Jacuzzis, her thoughts were interrupted as Maria arrived, her golden hair and Versace cloth matched perfectly well. She never thought anyone could dress a full Versace, she was glad she had her Armani shirt on.

Maria invited Stella to her suite, it was on the last floor, left corner, facing the sunset. A salon, two bedrooms, the main room had a large dressing room that had some of Maria's cloth on, Maria asked Stella to wait for her in the salon, while she changed. She ordered cheese and tea as she thought Stella would enjoy it.

The order arrived as Maria walked out of her room, she opened the door, asked the room service to leave it next to Stella, she fixed Earl grey tea for Stella with no sugar as she wished to be served while Maria took hers with two spoons. Stella couldn't wait for Maria to speak about her idea, "I have this foolish idea" said Maria swiftly. "I don’t mean any harm, but I think we should give ourselves this chance" she added.

Maria explained to Stella her idea, Stella was shocked at first, but this could be her only chance to have Maria's life! What a thrilling game! Maria suggested to Stella to meet with her daily for a month, they would meet and teach each other everything about their life, when they feel ready, they would change their hair color, their cloth and switch life for a period of time, Maria always wanted to live the normal life, Stella wanted the fame, each placed their own rules, what to do and not to do when they switch.

Stella's routine was never as boring, she skipped the gym and her friends for a month, and she would meet Maria. Maria had more to teach Stella than the other way around; she taught her the etiquettes of the upper class. Stella found it amusing, she foolishly enjoyed every minute with Maria.     

                                                                             Back home

Stella went home after the last session with Maria, she longed for the switch, the hotels, the expensive parties, the clothes will finally be hers, as she drove closer to her house, she noticed the police, the FBI, and the news were surrounding the house, she rushed in fear, what could it be? Fiona was with Lilly as she believed; her husband was at work, what could possibly be wrong she thought.

As she went down, the FBI surrounded her, they rumbled words as they handcuffed her, her world was on a mess, they dragged her to a black vehicle, drove an hour, no one ever answered her questions, the men were wearing black, they had a dark attitude, they wouldn’t reply to her or care for her tears.

She arrived to a building where the news were crowding the main gate, the police covered the area, pushed the people to make a path. Her mind was on blank, what was happening? She could not have a clue, she was afraid, she never did something worth taking her to jail.

She went through different detectives. She killed the mayor they said. A footage shows her in the crime, four aggressive detectives harassed her to speak the truth, a truth she didn’t believe in, it wasn’t her, it must have been Maria. She couldn’t make any sense of what is going on, she kept explaining to them about Maria, but no one was listening, lies. As three of the detectives left her, she sat with the kindest one, detective Marc, the less screaming one.

 I did not do it", that's all she could think of."

"The Footage shows clearly your assassination of the mayor, now Stella, help me to help you, who paid you? Who made you do it?" he gazed at her teary eyes hoping she would speak of different words. "I didn't do it, she did. It's not me, you have to believe me.." Said Stella as she shook out of fear.

A woman wearing white opened the door holding a file, she called detective Marc to come for a minute, he disappeared leaving Stella alone in tears.

He came back after an hour with another woman and a warm cup of tea, he handed the tea to Stella.

"Stella, Maria Barbara Bach is the first wife of Johann Sebastian Bach, the composer, who passed away in 7 July 1720, there is no such woman under the name ever since"

"You don’t understand, I spent the past month meeting her.."

 "Stella your husband reported you missing for the past month" replied Marc, "this is Doctor Hudson, she is a psychiatrist. She will help you understand your case, Stella you have Schizophrenia, your case will be built with the help of Dr. Hudson".  

   

                                                                                                                                                                                                                          

My angel

You are my light in my darkest nights
I was scared to give in
So scared to accept
I was running out of reasons to try
To live, to love
I was in the dark
I was lost in a land of monsters 
Like a clear vision, like a dream
You came, dressed in Angel's halo
Now I have no reason to cry
With fairies I'm dancing
I gave up in ease